The last couple of days have been agony. It started Monday night when I slept on the sofa due to the heat. It’s a lot cooler downstairs in my house than in my room. Tuesday morning I woke up and my lumbar spine was agony! It felt like I had a lump in there, there was like a pressure pain/ache and I was getting sharp, needly, stabbing pains around the “lump”.
My left buttock, lower leg and foot were on fire. Walking and standing were a complete nightmare. The burning sensations subside with the use of my ice packs but my back pain is almost constant. Any movement of my back hurts with a varied reaction. Sharp pains, dull thump like pain, pinching pain etc and this can be at any given time. It is also tender to touch so using my ice pack is uncomfortable and sitting in the car is no longer comfortable.
I also keep losing my balance. I haven’t fallen yet but I have jolted my back stopping myself from hitting the deck. It can be when I’m getting up off my seat, standing still, starting walking, any small or large movement can make me nearly fall. I do not feel dizzy and my ears are fine.
I’m hoping that it’s just a temporary “angry” back thing and not a sign of deterioration.
I’m trying to be positive and brave but I’m also very scared for what my future holds. Will I be in pain forever? I’m only 37! Will I ever walk properly again? At the moment without my stick I walk like I’ve got something shoved up my bum! Will I ever be able to lift my Mum’s wheelchair into a car again so I can take her shopping and stuff?
I help look after my disabled mum and my disabled housemate, I feel like I’m failing them both. I feel like I’m failing my dogs because I can’t walk them properly or bath them. I can’t work because of the pain. I feel like I’m failing at life at the moment.
Enough of the pity party. I’m off for a cold bath. I’m sure a cooling bath and clean pyjamas will make me feel a bit better. I may even treat myself to some fresh strawberries and cream…
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