Bad Pain Days

The last couple of days have been agony. It started Monday night when I slept on the sofa due to the heat. It’s a lot cooler downstairs in my house than in my room. Tuesday morning I woke up and my lumbar spine was agony! It felt like I had a lump in there, there was like a pressure pain/ache and I was getting sharp, needly, stabbing pains around the “lump”.

Back Pain
Source: 5seconddanceparty.deviantart.com

My left buttock, lower leg and foot were on fire. Walking and standing were a complete nightmare. The burning sensations subside with the use of my ice packs but my back pain is almost constant. Any movement of my back hurts with a varied reaction. Sharp pains, dull thump like pain, pinching pain etc and this can be at any given time. It is also tender to touch so using my ice pack is uncomfortable and sitting in the car is no longer comfortable.

I also keep losing my balance. I haven’t fallen yet but I have jolted my back stopping myself from hitting the deck. It can be when I’m getting up off my seat, standing still, starting walking, any small or large movement can make me nearly fall. I do not feel dizzy and my ears are fine.

I’m hoping that it’s just a temporary “angry” back thing and not a sign of deterioration.

I’m trying to be positive and brave but I’m also very scared for what my future holds. Will I be in pain forever? I’m only 37! Will I ever walk properly again? At the moment without my stick I walk like I’ve got something shoved up my bum! Will I ever be able to lift my Mum’s wheelchair into a car again so I can take her shopping and stuff?

I help look after my disabled mum and my disabled housemate, I feel like I’m failing them both. I feel like I’m failing my dogs because I can’t walk them properly or bath them. I can’t work because of the pain. I feel like I’m failing at life at the moment.

Fail at LifeSource: chris000.deviantart.com

Enough of the pity party. I’m off for a cold bath. I’m sure a cooling bath and clean pyjamas will make me feel a bit better. I may even treat myself to some fresh strawberries and cream…

Featured image source: hennafaunway.deviantart.com


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6 thoughts on “Bad Pain Days

  1. Def. probably like a lot of people here, I’ve had numberous MRI’s showing bulging discs, facets joint problems, trapping nerves and spondylitis, but my main problem as well as the sever pain in my back is that I have blackouts, possibly due to the severity of the amount of pain, but also my legs constantly go numb went I sit down, so I am always trying to be aware that i may go to stand up and have no legs and I may go over on my ankles. I’ve already had 2 operations on my left ankle, after completely rupturing my ligaments and tearing my tendons. I’ve now had to have my tendon removed from my ankle, but it’s still no good, I’ve got scar tissue and fluid around it and now finding it harder and harder to do anything at all even around my house.
    I had 2 PHYSIO appointments yesterday. One for my ankle… There is nothing more Physio can do, so referred back to surgeon and the other for my back. I’m seeing a PHYSIO I saw prob 8 years ago. He knew my drive and determination for life and was shocked to see how bad I am now. All of this was due to a car crash I had 5+ years ago. Tbh I came away from his appointment and he has no idea what is going on with me. So again, he is going to report the numbness again back to the surgeon, but have you’s ever had the feeling of, like an ice cube being dropped down your underwear. Around my bottom feels ice cool, but I have fall feeling. I’m unable now to have any more MRI scans due to having the stim fitted, so basically I have no idea what is going on, apart from the daily struggles and worries, when I have sever flare ups and blackouts.
    I hope you are both feeling slightly better today. Fingers crossed you get the help you both urgently need xxx

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    1. What a nightmare 😞 I’ve not had the ice cube feeling but get a terrible burning sensation in my left buttock, lower leg and foot. The outside of my lower left leg & foot are numb and My left foot keeps rolling under. I don’t feel any pain other than the jolt to my back when it happens. I’m in an awful lot of pain with my back at the moment but keep plodding on, which in turn is probably making it worse 🙄 x I hope the surgeons can do something for you x Could you please keep me updated xx

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  2. My story is a little different I was working when I slipped on a spillage and landed flat on my back. Thinking I was just bruised I hobbled home next day I couldn’t move I was in agony doctor gave me pain killers this was a year ago. I feel I’ve lost a year I had a new grandson I can’t pick up or take care of , and a severely autistic grandson I can no longer help my mum is disabled and relied on me. I have two dogs I can no longer walk my husband does just about everything he’s more like my carer but he’s my rock. The pain you describe sounds just like mine so I totally sympathise with you both and I hope you feel better soon xx

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    1. Have you had an MRI? x It’s awful when life just seems to grind to a holt. All we can do is be grateful for what we can do and for the support we receive from others xx I hope they can help you asap too xx

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  3. Im so sorry to hear how bad your pain is.
    U have described my last day as if you had been me.
    I bent down yesterday, only to pick up a dog toy, but could not stand up straight again afterward.
    Ive not known what to do with myself since.
    I had a scs fitted last Jan, which takes some pain away. But when my back twinges or goes on me, the pain ( like u say) is unbearable.
    I feel exactly the sane as yourself, guilt that i can no longer work, guilt that my husband, children and family do almist all of ” what should be my chores to do, as their Mum”. Guilt again for not walking my dog.
    I feel a complete burgen tbh to my whole family, especially at times like today, but still even on my better days.
    Better day meaning its not spent in bed, but on the sofa instead.
    Sometime life really sucks, but this is the life we have been handed snd again like you so well put, I also feel that im failing at life at the moment ❤️😢❤️.
    Thinking of you, hoping you feel a little better soon 😘

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